If you’ve already read my previous blog posts you’ll be familiar of my situation with ghostee number 1. If you haven’t, here’s a brief update;
long story short we have been in a casual limbo for over a year now & both found ourselves in the same situation of leaving the U.K to go travelling. Throughout this time I noticed behaviours changing & the familiar scenarios of the fuckboy persona occurring. As much as I didn’t want to, I found myself liking this person to only in the end get hurt by them. This brings you kind of up to date but if you want a more in depth explanation read my previous blog post “A Brief Introduction To Ghosting”
So finding myself being mortifyingly rejected, silence speaks a thousand words ironically, tinder was now my only social connection with this person & as unhealthy as it is, I would occasionally find myself checking his profile. He hadn’t updated his bio since he’d returned to the UK & it still stated he was travelling.
This all changed today.
After checking it a couple of days ago, 998 km away, I checked it this morning to discover he was once again back home, 21 km. Yes I am aware that this sounds extremely stalkerish but for me this was the only way to know he was ok & in another I felt comforted by the fact he hadn’t updated his bio. Surely this meant he wasn’t currently dating or at least he wasn’t using tinder to do so. This was my false sense of security & not having to accept that I had been well & truly pushed to the back of his mind, cast out, exiled.
That was until later on in the day when I was checking my inbox on tinder only to discover he had disappeared off my list. This sent me into panic mode. He had either A) unmatched me or B)deleted tinder. Either way this lead me to think he’s dating again, he’s using tinder or even worse he was in a relationship with someone else.
As irrational as this sounds this was like him cutting all ties with me & the gut wrenching feeling returned. Because of the way things had been left, me basically saying I liked him in a really cringe worthy way & him not replying, I felt to proud to approach him or the subject but without doing so there never really will be any proper closure for me. I know how ridiculous this sounds because we were never officially anything but this was someone I had, in the end, invested a lot of time into & inevitably had always liked. Not to the extremities of being in love with them but he was the first person in a long time to make me feel excited again & that feeling never faded until the ghostee began to ghost. In a way I feel cheated for not receiving a “this is over” “it’s not you, it’s me” kind of conversation because ultimately you should respect someone who has invested that much time into you.
Surely that is the least they deserve?
This is just another example of how I’m either just extremely unlucky in love or just how messed up the dating world is now in 2016. As great as technology is I feel it just makes it so much more acceptable & easy to remove people from your life without an explanation. The more I experience these situations the more I lose faith in mankind.